I’m almost 2 weeks into summer break, and it’s such a weird feeling to be home and adjusting to what will soon become my new “normal” for the next 3 months. It’s funny how although living at school felt so unnatural at first, I got so used to it by the end that living at home now feels unnatural. Considering how I used to idolize living at home over everything else, this is amazing. Last summer, I had 3 priorities: working out (mainly triathlon training), making/eating just the right food, and working. That was it. I spent my free time making training plans, meal plans, and money. I researched how to become a better triathlete and decrease my body fat. I learned how to fuel an endurance sport with a paleo diet. I hated going out to eat or spending time with friends, because these things got in the way of my perfectly crafted schedule. This summer, the story is a little different.
The other day, I sat down to brainstorm recipes for the blog, and ten minutes into my hopeless pursuit of inspiration, I realized that I didn’t even really feel like testing recipes. On Christmas break, literally the first thing I did when I got home from the airport was grocery shop at Whole Foods and then meal prep for the week/test recipes for the blog. When I got home for summer break, I had the slightest desire to do either of these things, and I’m still mustering up the motivation to get back to being the meal-prepping superwoman that I was. This blog post was born because I asked myself two questions. First, how did I get to this point? And second, what does this mean for me and my blog?
I think the answer to the first question has a lot to do with my last post. Throughout the past semester, a lot changed for me. And as the weeks crept by, I found myself less and less concerned with food, exercise, and body image. Did I still think about it? Of course. But it didn’t consume me like it had before. Gradually, I came to enjoy life’s other pleasures – spending time with friends, going on coffee dates, staying out late, skipping a workout in favor of a walk or quiet time reading. It wasn’t like I woke up one day and all food-related woes were gone. Whether I fully realized it or not, I began to change the dialog in my head. I became more in tune with what I felt like doing rather than what I thought I should be doing. If I looked in the mirror and reacted with a negative comment, I quickly countered with something positive, something true (contrary to what my silly mind told me). If I saw a beautiful girl, I recognized her beauty independent of my own. Before asking myself what I thought I should eat next based on that day’s activity level or past/future meals, I asked myself what I felt like eating. Before lacing up my running shoes or going to the gym, I asked myself what type of workout do I actually want to do today? Now that I’m home, the answer to these questions, on a typical day, look like this: I don’t really feel like cooking, and I don’t really feel like training for a triathlon.
So, that begs the second question: what does this mean for me and for the blog? This is a cooking blog after all, and without recipes to post, that kind of defeats the purpose. For now, it’s unclear. I still need to eat, and since I don’t have endless funds for eating out, cooking is the most practical option. And it’s not that I no longer enjoy cooking, it’s just that I got so used to not doing it and my world stopped revolving around what I eat, so I’m finding it hard to get back into the swing of things. Right now, my plan is to take things one day at a time. I’m sure once I start work and have a more regular schedule, things will get back to normal. As part of my endless pursuit of balance, I think it’s important to ask myself what feels right and what feels good, so that’s what I’m doing. And I suppose the whole point of this post is to encourage y’all to do the same. As life goes on, we grow and change, and you can’t expect what works for others, or even what used to work for you, will work for you now If you can drown out the countless voices that aren’t your own telling you how you should eat, exercise, dress, look, talk, etc. this becomes simpler. And with time, your happiness becomes dependent only on your own feelings and choices, not the choices others make for you.
Just some food for thought.